And yes... that applies to everyone! Being completely mentally and emotionally healthy is NOT the norm. The vast majority of people need, and could benefit greatly (as could society) from, therapy. The world would be a better, more sane and humane world if everyone went to therapists regularly like doctors. However, our societal norm is to blame responses to negative experiences on the individual rather than the actual source of the suffering. This is not only unfair, cruel, inhumane and simply wrong, it is also something which further traumatizes those already suffering. For far to long, our societies have placed value on individual gain over the general well-being of others and the world we inhabit. 

Our society is not conducive to being a mentally stable and healthy individual.  Mental health and emotional intelligence are not taught to us through our culture, school, or society as a whole. Yet we are criticized when we struggle or have difficulty as a result of the various horrors, pains, traumas and scars created by the world itself. Yes if you choose to focus on being the victim it doesn't help you, BUT the world will only keep churning out pain and suffering on greater and greater scales and more permeating ways if we don't acknowledge that the problem isn't usually YOU and your genetics - it is that our system is not designed for MOST of us to thrive in. 

YOU are not responsible for the things that happened to you, or the society that fostered many issues, in many of of us and in such a variety of ways. 

YOU are not responsible for the fact that you may struggle; especially because our society does not choose to give you the appropriate support, resources, time and opportunity to recover that is needed. The societal message is, and for too long has been, to try harder, or 'pull yourself up' by those NON-EXISTANT 'bootstraps'. This is a myth that we must shed like the dead, diseased skin that it is. It does not serve well-being to embrace, regurgitate or believe in that idea in any way, shape, or form. 

The ONLY thing you are responsible for is doing the best that you can. There is no one who can sit in judgement of your choices in how you deal with it... they have not lived your experience. However,  if your choices include things that hurt others in any way, you are accountable for your actions. I do not advocate blaming others. I advocate for radical accountability. Facing yourself. Not blaming yourself for the things that happened to you, but rather, learning from the ways that those experience moulded you and influenced you; so that you can then possible learn different tools to manage and regulate this as much as you can. You cannot change the things that impact you, but you CAN change how you respond to it and you CAN do things which reduce the impact over time. Therapy is an essential element to knowing yourself, to rewiring your brain and to taking the reins of your mind & experience in daily life. 

Through our polyvagal system our bodies hold our traumas, memories and emotions and it can serve as a guide not only for what is happening in the mind, but also what we are experiencing in our entire system of BEING. Begin by noticing where you hold tension in the body. Is it your: jaw, tongue, back,  solar plexus, chest, neck, gut, pelvis, eyes, head? Through paying attention to where you have tension in your body, you can begin to notice when meditations help ease or relax that tension. 

If you struggle to "feel" what is happening in your body, try a body scan meditation to begin working with this process of listening into the body's messages. If you continue to struggle, talk with your therapist about this as there is often a reason that you are more often dissociated from your body. 

Learning to listen to your body for information, regarding what kind and state of activation you are experiencing, will help you know which meditation or brain focus to use to restore calm to the whole system. Our minds and bodies are deeply integrated and connected. They are not separate systems but rather are interlocking and interdependent. Information and subsequent chemical response flows two directionally. Building awareness of both your body and your mind, as well as their relationship, will help you become more self aware and conscious of the choices you have which radically impact your experience. It is the path to freeing yourself from living at the mercy of your pain, your experiences, your suffering. 

1. Focus ALL of your attention on ONLY ONE THING - when your mind wanders come back to that ONE thing

*Look at it in great detail: its shape, color, texture, size, any design, decoration or pattern, its ability to reflect light, its smell if it has one, everything you can think of to notice about it. Is it dull or shiny? How does it makes you feel to look at it? Do you feel a desire to touch it? Is it something that inspires you? Just put all of your attention on this ONE thing. 

* OR Use the Dancing the Cingulate focus points in the brain

2. Focus on your BREATH. We are generally not breathing when we are super activated or overwhelmed. By focusing on breath you will not only breathe more, thus getting more oxygen into your system, but you will also interrupting the stimulation of your amygdala. This can result in an easing of the intensity. 

*Focus fully on your breath: feel it filling your lungs; notice your rib cage and your solar plexus expanding and contracting; notice your chest rise and fall; notice the temperature of the air - is it cold, warm? How 

3. Focus on your contact with your seat, feel your weight, feel the chair or ground holding you.

4. Focus on each of your 5 Senses: Sight, Sound, Smell, Touch, and Taste

5. Focus on Something Soothing or a Memory of Feeling Fully Soothed. This is where going into the cave of safety is very helpful. What is essential is that you can FEEL the soothing and being soothed. This calms the amygdala and reassures that alarm system that you are indeed safe and tending yourself. 

*Or lie down on the floor or bed or earth and focus on the feeling of being suspended, held, soothed

6. Get your body moving. Do any of the movement meditations and put all of your focus on the movements, breathing and grounding yourself. 

*Note: doing things like going for a walk, hike, run or bike ride can all be helpful when activated. HOWEVER, it is easy to be distracted when in an activated state so you MUST take extra precaution for safety... pay attention to your surroundings!